Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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