Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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