the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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