you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
