I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We are two peas in an std pod
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You are the jesus of drinking
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
