Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think im going to throw up on grandma
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Randomize
