You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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