My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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