I hate your face
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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