I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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