Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
