i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
