so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
