You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
