I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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