I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
