I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
