yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
