Sponge bath it is.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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