sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
