The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize