she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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