Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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