just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
