Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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