You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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