I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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