I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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