I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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