i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
