you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
