He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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