dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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