I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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