my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
