I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
