made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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