He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
