I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
