yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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