so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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