I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize