Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
