4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
