I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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