i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
