I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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