its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
