Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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