The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Damn victory sex feels great
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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