pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your cock deserves a montage
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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