I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have aggressive nipples.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
