I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
