it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
