honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
