she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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