I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
