but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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