if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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